Time to say goodbye

As daddy's body gave up the fight to remain here, I watched and held his hand as he joined the angels in heaven.
Heaven gained an amazing angel on the evening of July 13, 2013 as Lawrence Jefferson Cook, or Jack as many knew him, left this Earth.
Daddy only lived a few weeks after coming home from the hospital the last time. While at the hospital, he began to improve, even standing (with a walker) and taking a few steps. His strength seemed to be returning and the doctors agreed it was time to go home.
He came home on Friday evening and by Sunday, I knew we were looking at the end of his life. A new hospice team joined us on Monday, led by his neice, B.J., his caring team not only took care of him, night and day, but also took care of us, the family.
As daddy progressed through the steps of death, it was heartbreaking. My heart literaly hurt, ached. But, I knew daddy wanted and needed us by his side and so by his side we stayed.
Those last two weeks, especially the last week, he did not have much communication with us his caregivers. But the one little person that seemed to be able to bring his attention back to this Earth was Christian, his newly born great-grandson.
Less than two months before, daddy waited throughout the afternoon and into the night for sweet Christian to be born. At 91, his body I'm sure longed to be comfortably resting in his recliner at home but daddy would not leave. He had waited now generations to see this little boy. Being his only child, daddy longed for a little boy. God had different plans. So as I grew into a woman and got married, he again hoped he would get a boy. God had different plans. I had not one but two daughters, Felicia and Katelyn, and each time, daddy secretly hoped for a boy. God had different plans.
God knew daddy would need the will to fight for a few more months later in his life.
And daddy did fight. He waited and smiled each time Katelyn or some of the family spoke of this little boy we were all waiting for. And then Christian "Sonny Boy" Santino Bell made his appearance late May 18. Daddy was the second person to get to hold Christian, even holding him before his mom got the chance. I will forever be grateful to Christian's dad Brent for taking the time and allowing daddy to hold Christian "first".
Daddy continued to smile over the next month as he got to hold and play with baby Christian. But as the month waned, daddy began to decline.
Death came and we lost the constant in our lives. Daddy.

Daddy's birthday

Just a month and a half after we laid daddy to rest, his birthday rolls around. I've been preparing myself for today, what would have been his 92 birthday. I knew this day was coming. I was prepared for the onslaught of emotions that were bound to hit me. I bought daddy's favorite flowers, planted them in a nice large container just after he died. I've been preparing. This morning, as soon as my eyes opened, I wished him a happy birthday in heaven and moved throughout my morning getting ready for work. As I left the house I situated his container of flowers onto my seat. Smiling I drove to the cemetery. I had daddy's birthday present! I arrived at the cemetery, grabbed the container and started towards the foot of his grave. Sat them down. A little twist here, a tug there and I stood back and took a good look to make sure they were situated just right. Great! I had completed this difficult task of heading to the cemetery early this morning on daddy's birthday. As I looked at the flowers, my eyes began to sting. The tears began to flow...so I sat with daddy a while and told him how much I missed him. After leaving my day proceeded, dragging me along. All I wanted to do was cry all day. Today is the first day my heart has truly ached since daddy died. I miss him so much it literally hurts some days. But as daddy raised a cowgirl who always gets back on her horse, I've saddled up. Ready to face my next obstacle, Thanksgiving. I have so much to be thankful for, yet I know with daddy missing, the holiday will be a little less festive. Maybe cowgirls don't cry, but today, my boots have been dragging all day. Happy birthday in heaven daddy! I miss you! I love you!

Still learning

As I have watched my father's health decline over the past few years, I have come to realize more and more how our time is limited on this Earth.
From the beginning of my life, my daddy has taught me more things than I can count. From the standard lessons of life to the more subtle, sometimes without my even realizing, daddy has been a teacher in my life.
Being born to older parents was such a blessing. There were many things daddy could not do with me because of his age along my life but he has taught me so much about living a good life, even without words.
You see, daddy has never been much of a talker, at least while I was growing up. He was a hard working man who had little time for simple conversation. But, he taught by his actions.
Born in 1921, he grew up in the Great Depression era to rather poor parents. Farming was a way of life from a very early age. He not only helped his father farm, he also worked for other farmers in the area.
As he grew, he took on more farming, often sharecropping with others to keep expenses low.
He tells wonderful stories of picking watermelons, taking them to the market and the fun the farmers had joking with each other.
Never having much money and having an unmarried sister and a widowed mother to look after, daddy took a "real" job. Actually he tried a little of all the jobs. He was a logger and log truck driver, drove a truck for a dry cleaner, owned a gas station, did construction work, became part of the Security force at the "bomb plant", raised horses, goats, sheep and rabbits, was a fixer at a manufacturing plant, created beautiful woodwork, was an assistant to my mom in multiple flower shops (although we never got him to actually arrange any flowers) and he wove white oak baskets.
Just by his natural curiosity in the employment relm, he taught me to try a little of it all and do what you like to do.
He is the reason I found my voice in writing.
As he prepares to leave this world and join the ranks of the angels in heaven, I am astounded that even as death begins to approach, he is still teaching me.